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Today's Laugh - 21st May
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| The Designer |
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| 4150 Posts |
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| Hong Kong |
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| posted by HKBloke 1162 days ago |
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There were three guys talking in the pub.
Two of them were talking about the amount of control they had over their wives, while the third remained quiet.
After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says: "Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?"
The third fellow says: "I'll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees."
The first two guys were amazed.
"What happened then?" they asked.
"Well," he said, "she told me to 'get out from under the bed and fight like a man'."
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| Regular Member |
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| 4814 Posts |
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| posted by NN 1162 days ago |
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Subject: Computers
A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike
English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.
"House" for instance, is feminine: "la casa." "Pencil," however, is
masculine: "el lapiz."
A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?" Instead of giving the answer,
the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them
to decide for themselves whether "computer" should be a masculine or a
feminine noun.
Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.
The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine
gender ("la computer"), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is
incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory forpossible
later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one,you find yourself spending half
your paycheck on accessories for it.
(No chuckling... this gets better!)
The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine (el
computer"), because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE
the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a
little longer,you could have gotten a better model.
The women won.
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| Junior Member |
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| 2409 Posts |
| in |
| Singapore |
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| posted by rachel_z 1162 days ago |
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Okay I found this in my mailbox this morning... check it out [:p]
ROMANCE ARITHMETIC
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can
spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to
understand her at all.
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she
does.
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
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