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Vaseline
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| Regular Member |
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| 4197 Posts |
| undercover angel |
| in |
| Hong Kong |
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| posted by Velvet 143 days ago |
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A man doing market research knocked on a door and was greeted by a young
woman with three small children running around at her feet.
He says, "I'm doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?"
She says, "Yes. My husband and I use it all the time.""And if you don't mind me
asking, what do you use it for?""We use it for sex."The researcher was a
little taken back. "Usually people lie to me and say that they use it on
a child's bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge. But, in fact, I know
That most people do use it for sex. I admire you for your honesty. Since
you've been frank so far, can you tell me exactly how you use it for
sex?"The woman says, "I don't mind telling you at all... My husband and I
put it on the door knob and it keeps the kids out."
And you thought it was gonna be a dirty joke !!!!!!
"What we do in life echoes in eternity"
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| The Designer |
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| 4227 Posts |
| in |
| United Kingdom |
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| posted by HKBloke 143 days ago |
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Joe wanted to buy a motorbike. He doesn't have much luck until, one day, he comes across a Harley with a 'for sale' sign on it.
The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10 years old. It is shiny and in absolute mint condition.
He immediately buys it, and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for 10 years.
"Well, it's quite simple, really," says the seller, "whenever the bike is outside and it's going to rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain."
And he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline.
That night, his girlfriend, Sandra, invites him over to meet her parents. Naturally, they take the bike there.
But just before they enter the house, Sandra stops him and says, I have
to tell you something about my family before we go in."
"When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the first person who says
anything during dinner has to do the dishes."
"No problem," he says. And in they go.
Joe is shocked. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a huge
stack of dirty dishes.
In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes. Piled up on the stairs, in the corridor, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes.
They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word.
As dinner progresses, Joe decides to take advantage of the situation.
So he leans over and kisses Sandra.
No one says a word.
So he reaches over and fondles her breasts.
Still, nobody says a word.
So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes off, throws her on the table, and screws her right there, in front of her parents.
His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word.
He looks at her mom. "She's got a great body," he thinks. So he grabs the mom, bends her over the dinner table, and has his way with her every which way right there on the dinner table.
Now his girlfriend is furious and her dad is boiling, but still, total silence.
All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain.
Joe remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from his pocket.
Suddenly the father backs away from the table and shouts, "All right, thats enough, I'll do the f**king dishes!"
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| Senior Member |
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| 13273 Posts |
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| posted by Lola 143 days ago |
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A little boy came down for breakfast one morning and asked his grandma, Where's Mom and dad?"
And she replied, "they're up in bed."
The little boy started to giggle and ate his breakfast and went out to play.
Then he came back in for lunch and asked his grandma "where's Mom and Dad?"
And she replied; "they're still up in bed."
Again the little boy started to giggle and he ate his lunch and went out to play.
Then the little boy came in for dinner and once again he asked his Grandma "where's Mom and dad?"
And his grandmother replied; "they're still up in bed."
The little boy started to laugh and his grandmother said;
"Every time I tell you they're still up in bed you start to laugh what is going on here?"
The little boy replied, "Well last night daddy came into my bedroom and asked me for the Vaseline and I gave him super glue."
Dancing robustly sideways
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