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Why can't I own a Canadian?
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| posted by Gum Tree 1076 days ago |
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Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by an east coast resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:
Dear Dr. Laura:
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them:
When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?
A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?
Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?
Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?
I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.
Your devoted fan,
Jim
"Marooned on a rock with 80,000 and now 90,000 alcoholics and counting"
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| posted by kamote 1076 days ago |
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very informative indeed....
thanks g3...!
The place to be happy is HERE and the time to be happy is NOW.
Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin.
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| Senior Member |
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| posted by Mr Benn 1076 days ago |
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Brilliant ! That has put a smile on my face.[:D]
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| posted by sunwaterandsky 1076 days ago |
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Hey, I am a Canadian, does that mean I can own an American?
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| Fundy |
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| 10753 Posts |
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| posted by adfundum 1076 days ago |
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I love it.... [8D]
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Even sick puppies need love...
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| The Maintenance Man |
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| 3119 Posts |
| On the Sofa |
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| posted by ServerGuy 1076 days ago |
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Thats one of the best I have seen in a long time.
If you have got any problems with this site send them to Support@HKExpats.com Thanks
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| Junior Member |
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| posted by hongkonger 1076 days ago |
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[88][88]
We will consume 85 million barrels of oil today, what's going to be left for tomorrow?
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| Fundy |
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| 10753 Posts |
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| posted by adfundum 1076 days ago (edited 1076 days ago) |
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GT, stole your post for another forum, where this wisdom was badly needed...
Where do we send the copyright contribution checque? [;)]
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Even sick puppies need love...
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| Senior Member |
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| Tagalogged |
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| posted by The Cerne Abbas Giant 1076 days ago |
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Would this be the Canadian referenced in the darkside thread?
Watchu talkin' about Willis?
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| Regular Member |
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| posted by The Crone 1076 days ago (edited 1076 days ago) |
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Excellent gum tree[88][(#)]
I dream again
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| posted by kamote 1076 days ago |
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crone you are drunk again...!!!???
The place to be happy is HERE and the time to be happy is NOW.
Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin.
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| Regular Member |
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| posted by The Crone 1076 days ago |
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quote:
Originally posted by kamote
crone you are drunk again...!!!???
drunk on LOVE kamote [:D] I was reading a very touching story about how we should appreciate those who were once there for us...and I just can't help but think of sabi[xo]
Thanks for the reminder! [;^)] Oh, I hardly drink, unless you call one heineken a month drinking...hmm...nearly a month[}:)]
I dream again
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| Regular Member |
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| undercover angel |
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| posted by Velvet 1075 days ago |
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"I am a Christian"
By Maya Angelou
When I say..."I am a Christian"
I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin'."
I'm whispering "I was lost,
Now I'm found and forgiven."
When I say..."I am a Christian"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble
and need Christ to be my guide.
When I say..."I am a Christian"
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak
And need His strength to carry on.
When I say..."I am a Christian"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed
And need God to clean my mess.
When I say..."I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain.
I have my share of heartaches
So I call upon His name.
When I say..."I am a Christian"
I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner
Who received God's good grace, somehow!
May your day be filled with many blessings!!!!!!
"What we do in life echoes in eternity"
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