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At the bar.
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[ New Topic]
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| posted by Mr Benn 1028 days ago |
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An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman were sitting in a bar in Sydney, Australia.
"The view is fantastic, the beer excellent and the food exceptional," said the Scotsman, "but I still prefer the pubs back home. Why in Glasgow, there's a little bar called McTavish's. The landlord there goes out of his way for the locals so much that when you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth drink for you."
"Well," said the Englishman, "at my local, the Red Lion, the barman there will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two."
"Ahhh, that's nothin'," said the Irishman. "Back home in Dublin there's Ryan's Bar. Now, the moment you set foot in the place they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you'd like. Then, when you've had enough drink, they'll take you upstairs and see that you get laid - ALL on the house!"
The Englishman and Scotsman immediately start doubting the Irishman's claims, but he swears every word is true.
"Well," said the Englishman, "did this actually happen to you?"
"Not myself personally, no," said the Irishman, "but it did happen to me sister."
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| posted by vendage 1028 days ago |
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Not exactly a bar story but it has a drinking moment
Subject: Life In the Australian Army
Dear Mum and Dad,
I am well. Hope you are too. Tell big brothers Doug and Phil that the Army is better than working on the farm -- tell them to get into the Army quick before the jobs are all gone. Just joking Dad!
I was a bit slow in settling down at first, because you don't get up until 6am. I like the sleeping in now, but it took a while to get used to it. All you do before brekky is make your bed and shine your boots and clean your uniform. No stock to feed, no sheep to shear, no feed to stack, no tractor to drive around – nothing much to do all day.
Of course we shave and shower a lot more here, but it’s not so bad because there's hot water and even a light to see what you are doing. And you get a new towel each day. Mum, you would have a shock if you had to look after the shearers like this! At least the boys here all enjoy a beer at the end of the day, but they don’t have much stamina and can only handle 3 or 4 bottles a night. They p**s themselves laughing when I open bottles with my teeth. Amazing what these guys have never seen!
Breakfast could be better. They have things like cereals and fruit, which I don’t fancy. The closest thing to a home cooked meal is the bacon and eggs, but there are no kangaroo steaks or possum stew. And you don't get fed again until noon and by that time all the city boys are buggered because we've been on something called a “root march”. No Doug and Phil, stop your sniggering, there is nothing like that going on here! This march is no harder than a walk to the windmill in the back paddock and back. Bloody weak lot I tell ya!
This will kill Doug and Phil with laughter. I keep getting medals for shooting. Yeah, I dunno why? The bull’s-eye is as big as a bloody possum's head and it doesn't move and its not firing back at you like the Johnson’s did when our bull got their cow knocked up. You even get to make yourself comfortable and hit the target - piece of p**s. No bouncing around in a bloody ute trying to get a shot in!
When they have sports day you get to box and ressle with the city boys and that’s when I discovered you’ve gotta be real careful ‘cause they break easy. I got into a bit of trouble over that. It's not like fighting with Doug and Phil and the rouseabouts, all at once like we usually do. You have to put on boxing gloves – especially after the last incident. What a bunch of poofs!
Turns out I'm not a bad boxer either and it looks like I'm the best the squadron's got, and so far I've only been beaten by this guy from Transport. Not surprising. He's bloody 6 foot 4 and 17 stone and I am still measuring in at 5 foot six and seven stone, but I fought to the end. He knows what a blood nose is now!
All in all I can't complain about the Army. Tell the boys to get in quick before word gets around how good it is.
Your loving daughter,
Agatha
Are you here as part of the problem, or part of the solution?
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| Senior Member |
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| 10274 Posts |
| Scowling |
| in |
| Hong Kong |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Senior Member |
|
| 10274 Posts |
| Scowling |
| in |
| Hong Kong |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Newbie |
|
| 256 Posts |
| in |
| Hong Kong |
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| posted by vendage 1028 days ago |
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Bloody hell!! Never saw this.
Are you here as part of the problem, or part of the solution?
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