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Big c**ks & Vodka
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| Senior Member |
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| 11419 Posts |
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| posted by The Cerne Abbas Giant 1027 days ago |
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A woman asked her hubby if he knew how she could make her bust bigger. He said 'try rubbing toilet paper between your tits, it's worked for your arse'.
Woman walks past a pet shop with a sign reading 'For sale clitoris licking frog' She goes in and the shopkeeper say's 'Bonjour Madame'.
Little girl gets lost in Tesco's, security guard asks her 'what's your mum like?' Little girl replies 'Big c**ks and vodka'.
A couple in a cafe in Llangollen asks 'Can you settle an argument for us and pronounce where we are, VERY slowly?' The waitress leaned over and said ........ 'Burrr gurrr king'.
Larry la Prise who wrote the hokey cokey has died aged 93. The worst part was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in, then the trouble started.
Paul McCartney poem-: We lay upon the grassy bank, my hands were all a quiver, I slowly undid her suspender belt and her leg fell in the river.
Tampax has replaced the string on their tampons with a piece of Tinsel....They say it's only for the Christmas period.
A woman goes to her doctor with a bit of lettuce hanging out of her snatch. Doc say's 'that looks nasty'. She say's 'Nasty?, it's just the tip of the iceberg!
Two newly weds turn up at a hotel and ask for the honeymoon suite, the receptionist asks 'do you have reservations?' The bride answers 'Yes, I won't take it up the arse'!
Watchu talkin' about Willis?
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| Newbie |
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| 256 Posts |
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| Hong Kong |
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| posted by vendage 1027 days ago |
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Why Men are Happier!!
Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such simple
creatures and easy lives?
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be President.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
People never stare at your chest when you are talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about taps.
A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase
You can open all of your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe even decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25
minutes.
No wonder men are happier.
Are you here as part of the problem, or part of the solution?
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| Regular Member |
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| 6594 Posts |
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| United Kingdom |
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| posted by Gum Tree 1027 days ago |
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weeeeeeehaaaaaaaa~~!
"Marooned on a rock with 80,000 and now 90,000 alcoholics and counting"
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| Senior Member |
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| 10272 Posts |
| Scowling |
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| Hong Kong |
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| posted by Mr Benn 1027 days ago |
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CAG..................love the last one..............RAOTFLMTO !!!!! 
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| Junior Member |
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| 2431 Posts |
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| posted by shoegirl 1026 days ago |
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Men are not really happier in general. Thay are just less sensitive to the sadder parts of life.
Of course, some of them really have no clue of what's going on around them
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