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Parents, I need your opinions...
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| posted by rachel_z 1197 days ago |
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Whenever I have a presentation at the end of the term for my classes, parents will often comment that they want their child to be corrected. They want more homework and they expect me to shout at them to make them fear me so that they will behave. Personally, I feel that too much homework and too much stress will hinder the children's interest in learning the language. They have a heavy load of homework every single day and they go to alot of extra classes seven days a week. My students are my friends and they know when I am serious and when I am joking. They know when to work hard, when to play.
To me it is a good teacher-students relationship but as parents yourselves, do you think that being friends with my students, going down to their level to communicate with them is actually a bad thing for the children? Must I really be 'fierce' to help them learn? Well, tell me what you think.
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| posted by Gum Tree 1197 days ago |
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You can NEVER be "friends" with students but you can ALWAYS be "friendly". Think about it, you are ... how many years older? You wouldn't want a kid of your own to be "friends" with someone that much older, would you?
But you are on the right track. Your kids' parents want you to substitute for them. They either - don't want to be tough with their own kids, so they want you to do it for them ... or, they are tough with their own kids, and can't understand how any other method works. You won't win an argument, believe me.
What parents will respect is evidence of a kid's improvement. If you can show how they have improved, that is all they want. Every parent wants to know that their kid is doing well. You don't have to agree or disagree with a parent's idea of how you should do your job. Just stick to collecting facts - how the kid has improved - and hand that over without justifying the means. Remember, most parents have never been in your position, so have no idea what it is to teach. They speak from love and worry about their own kid, and some far off memory about their own educational experiences. You simply cannot argue with these - they are emotional responses, not cognitive.
"Marooned on a rock with 80,000 and now 90,000 alcoholics and counting"
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| posted by rachel_z 1197 days ago |
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I see... there are actually two parts to the presentation.. the first part consists of parents sitting in for 20 minutes with the class and I will normally do a review of what we have learned to give them a summarised idea of what has been improved etc... and the second part will be a meeting with them. Well I guess they all agreed upon the progress but think that their children will improve alot more better if the system is like the local school system of with rigid discipline etc... oh well, tried to explain and they saw my point most of the time. However they maintained that being friendly to the children will end up with them crawling over my head.
Okay you are right, I shouldn't say friends but well yeah I gave them their space to learn in a non judgemental manner. Hmm some of my students are not that young... around 10 or 11 years old and they called me their friend instead of teacher. Maybe that was why their parents were not very happy about that. Oh well...
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| posted by Gum Tree 1197 days ago |
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Another thing - yeah I am passionate about teaching and being a parent - but when parents try to tell you how to do your job and if you are confident that the kids are doing OK, then just spend parent/teacher night nodding your head and taking notes. Often parents will give you a cue how to 'turn on' a kid who isn't learning, but also they are sometimes just trying to blame you for their own failures. The trick is learning to tell the difference.
"Marooned on a rock with 80,000 and now 90,000 alcoholics and counting"
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| posted by Gum Tree 1197 days ago |
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You are between a rock and a hard place, Rach. Get your kids to call you teacher - no bad thing - or educator (which is latin for "lead out") or facilitator. Sometimes just a small concession is an important thing and as a teacher, you are always dealing with parents as well as the kids. A problem, but true - they have some rights, no? When I first started teaching I felt way too young to be called Ms, Miss or Mrs so and so. But you get used to it and it does make the kids feel comfortable. So I put my energies into other things, not these small things.
"Marooned on a rock with 80,000 and now 90,000 alcoholics and counting"
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| posted by rachel_z 1197 days ago |
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Heh the thing with the system of the school I am teaching is that we don't use Ms, Mr, Mrs etc... I like it this way because I was educated in a system like this in my polytechnic and it feels weird to have people address me formally as such. Well, because I am an advocator of letting kids learn and develop in a stressfree and fun environment because I believe that they will be more willing to express their opinions, emotions and creativity etc...
I do self reflection from time to time for professional and personal awareness and I think I am too emotional about the rights of children from time to time... that is my downfall I guess... :(
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| posted by Gum Tree 1197 days ago |
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It is also your gift. Stick with it, eh?
"Marooned on a rock with 80,000 and now 90,000 alcoholics and counting"
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| posted by rachel_z 1197 days ago |
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Sure thing! The only thing here is not to overdo certain things... see, I am not a mother yet so I do not really understand what sort of major concerns a mother might have for her child and even if I use my common sense, I will not get it completely either. All I am thinking of is the welfare of the children and their need to express their creativity in their own ways. Of course I do set certain 'rules' but they are generally for the well being of the whole class. Mentality here is different too. I don't remember being sent to lots of extra classes by my parents and hating it. Instead, I signed up for classes myself so its totally different for me...
Met a grandmother of a student today and she said that she sympathise with her grandson for all his 'study and no play' sort of life. Well at least not all parents or grandparents are into drilling their child/ grandchild hard into excelling academically.
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| posted by Gum Tree 1197 days ago |
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Don't worry about not being a mother. One of the best teachers (I am sure there are more) was someone who never had a child. Instincts, knowledge and a desire to do the right thing are just as important. Think you are on the right track.
"Marooned on a rock with 80,000 and now 90,000 alcoholics and counting"
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| posted by rachel_z 1197 days ago |
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[x2x][x2x][x2x][x2x][x2x]
Hehee thanks for all your encouragements!
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| posted by tinybear 1191 days ago (edited 1191 days ago) |
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Hey, you know what Hong Kong moms are like? Their prime mission is to see to it that their children go to as many tutorials as possible, learn as many things as possible and excel in everything they do so that they can show them off to other moms. It's a bit like having a home in a prime residential area and a flashy sports car.
If you're a teacher who helps their children to excel, you will be showered with expensive gifts. A bit like bribery, really.
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| posted by Justin Credible 1191 days ago (edited 1191 days ago) |
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hong kong parents are simply thrown off when they see their kids enjoying a class, or coming home saying "mummy, i love teacher rachel, she is really nice, i really want to go to class more" this to them, translates as "teacher rachel lets us play all the time and we dont do any work...EVER"
yep, to them FUN = NO WORK....
really sad, you can just explain to the parents everything you have explained to us...that learning in a relaxed and fun way is far more effective than loads of homework. loving the learning process is far more effective than hating it...
keep doing what you are doing...always be confident about your instincts, and dont let mechanised parents who push their kids to overachieve, and eventually commit suicide, tell you what to do!
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| posted by xinyidai 1191 days ago |
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Well HK parents are very particular about their kids. To most of them, not having homework or too little homeworks makes them feel uneasy. Sometimes they will compare with other parents and feel more uneasy after learning that these other kids are loaded with homework.
Eh...............
Not uneasy with the other kids but with their own.
Your Health ! Your Choice !
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| posted by tinybear 1191 days ago |
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I sometimes wonder if Hong Kong parents like kids at all. They seem to have decided that kids are like their expensive clothes/accessories and a necessity if they want to keep up with the Joneses.
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| posted by rachel_z 1190 days ago |
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Hahaa kids seem to be their accessories besides expensive clothes and flashy cars eh? Well in Shanghai its pretty much the same. I have managed to convinced a few parents that their kids are really doing well in my classes and the reason why they do not speak the language at home is because of the environment. See, they are used to speaking Shanghainese at home, so how can they suddenly change overnight? I told the parents that they could let their children interact with English speaking kids (be it expats or locals) and be encouraged to speak the language at home too. I have managed to get the point about homework across too... they seem to understand but not alot of it.
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| posted by Gum Tree 1188 days ago |
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Hey Rach - I really enjoyed my trip to Beijing coz I met some young people and some young parents. The one child policy really has put pressure on kids and parents and the growth of China and taking it's place in the world just seems to add even more pressure. HK is a cake walk by comparison, since the education system is relatively (only relatively) good - at least it is universal.
But, I really got a sense that the Chinese mainlanders were looking for guidance. It is a new, really new world for most of these parents. They never expected an education and the opportunities that their kids have in front of them. I reckon they are just like every other parent - s**t scared. If you are confident that what you are doing works, and you get it across to them, I think they will be grateful. Don't forget the Chinese way is to respect the "master" - so you have to take on that responsibility. Scary, but if you believe in your methods, it can be done.
"Marooned on a rock with 80,000 and now 90,000 alcoholics and counting"
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| posted by rachel_z 1186 days ago |
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Oh I hope so GT I hope so... I had a kid on sunday telling me that he is refusing to do my work in class because he is sick and tired of having to go to classes everyday. He told me that he has to go for art lessons in the morning, then straight to piano lessons. After the piano lessons he has my class. He told me that he is too tired and he hates classes. I nearly cried. What a childhood... this is a 6 year old kid without a childhood.. how much more pressure can he take and how long more?
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| posted by geodude 1186 days ago |
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I am not motivated to write back until I saw this post:
"It's a bit like having a home in a prime residential area and a flashy sports car"
So the only inference you can draw from HK parents wanting their kids to learn more is the desire to show off. This is a sheer lack of logic and it only shows how shallow you are tinybear and how little you are willing to find out before you hold yourself out to have known enough to judge.
If the only purpose of your post is to provoke HK parents, I'm afraid you have only invited embarassment for yourself.
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| posted by rachel_z 1186 days ago (edited 1186 days ago) |
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geodude, no one here has the intention to provoke anyone and I think that tinybear was just giving her opinions. I have seen kids being forced to 'show off' their skills to the other parents before their classes and if they can't deliver, their parents will reprimand them when the other parents are not around or within earshot... this is in Shanghai and I have seen it... true, not everything about everyone is about face, but still it is about face if you observe it... well and of course, they want the best for their kids too I presume.
Anyway chill it yeah... [:)]
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| posted by tinybear 1186 days ago (edited 1186 days ago) |
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My neighbour has 3 kids aged 7, 9 and 12. One day, she appeared at my apartment with the 3 kids. Do I have a moment, she asked? I said, "yeah, come on in." Turns out she wanted me to listen to two of her kids sing and the third recite a poem. "They have all won prizes at the Hong Kong Schools Music & Speech Festival", she was beaming as she told me. Well, what could I say? I listened of course.
I subsequently found out that she had visited almost all 40 households in our block.
Now, don't tell me those kids enjoyed what they were doing.
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| posted by Gum Tree 1186 days ago |
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The 5 and the 9 year old probably enjoyed the attention the first two times. The 12 year old would have been mortified. As a parent, yeah I am pleased and proud of my kids' achievements in the outside world. But I rate good manners, ability to converse with all people, tolerance, trying hard, showing love and attention to younger kids and grandparents, standing up for what they think is right, being a good friend, showing that they respect themselves, working towards independence and thoughtfulness, to be higher and more valuable than school marks or similar. It is all a matter of what you value and how you articulate what you value.
"Marooned on a rock with 80,000 and now 90,000 alcoholics and counting"
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