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I am very confused ...
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| posted by Gum Tree 1171 days ago |
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This is a quoted message from somewhere else. I have no idea whether I am contravening some laws or ethics or something here. But I think the post raises some really interesting questions about the region we live in.
I am prepared to accept the poster is not simply a mercenary as described in other areas and by other people. I think if you view it from a cultural perspective, it can make sense. But then I wonder if my view of the "cultural perspective" is just pie-in-the-sky and my ego telling me I understand when really I am just as hidebound as the next person.
My first thought was to concentrate on the money aspect, the second was to try and accept that this 22 year old may have found luuuurrrvve. What do you think about her statement that 'marriage is a woman's second birth'? There is a ring of truth in that... and it seems to me like a genuine plea for help to understand.
Hi,girls.I am a 22 year old shanghai girl.I've been dating with my bf for around 8 months.I can tell he is a very nice person,he is so nice to me.Besides,he is nice to every one.We met while we were taking German lesson in a night school.A lot of students there has become his friends now.He is humourous,he is respectful to parents,both mine and his.We have same interests.
Most importantly,he loves me very much,I can tell that.And I love him too!
However,one thing always bothers me.He has a stable job,but he doesn't earn much.That I said "not much" doesn't mean he is poor.He and I come from the same family background--I should say a "so-so" family which means not rich not poor.
Recently I heard a friend of mine got a bf who is pretty rich. And it makes me feel quite bad.And I hate to hear somebody date/marry someone who is rich. All because of my vanity!
One more thing,I should say I am not such kind of "money-above-everything" girl.
But a saying goes" Marriage is a woman's second birth"
How should I set my mind in balance?
"Marooned on a rock with 80,000 and now 90,000 alcoholics and counting"
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| posted by God de Vader 1171 days ago |
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oh pulease!
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get."
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| posted by Gum Tree 1171 days ago |
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Do you mean oh puh leeze??? [:x)] C'mon gdv, give us your opinion. Don't you think marriage is a woman's second birth [?] [?] [?]
"Marooned on a rock with 80,000 and now 90,000 alcoholics and counting"
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| posted by God de Vader 1171 days ago |
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i think the woman mentioned needs a shrink....
or maybe a job....so she wont have too much time to think all kind of weird stuff.
second birth, i dont think so.....unless you mean skipping the best parts of life all at once.
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get."
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| posted by barbie 1171 days ago |
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I think our cultures will never understand each other. For these people this stuff is very important. Just as having a vast quantity of Hello Kitty dolls all over your desk at work is.
You get to a point, after being here a while, where this stuff doesn't shock you anymore.
I wait for the day when schools have all the funding they need and the airforce has to have a cake stall to raise money for a new bomber.
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| posted by tinybear 1171 days ago |
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I can understand that. Marriage is entering another phase in one's life. And even if you're not very materialistic, you can't live on love alone you know. You've got to marry at least within your own station in life so that your standard of living doesn't go down after marriage.
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| posted by Gum Tree 1171 days ago |
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In a way I agree tb. It is said that women tend to marry below them and men above them in terms on intellect. But it seems that women seek to marry above them in terms of money-making capacity. Weird in one way, but if you want to have children and stay at home, nothing better to have a richer, but dumber male to support you. Sorry, guys, I am being a bit cynical here ...
"Marooned on a rock with 80,000 and now 90,000 alcoholics and counting"
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| posted by npg 1171 days ago |
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very shanghainese! i remember a great quote once said about the typical shanghainese girl "penny wise, pound poor"
could it also be like a "princess" type thing...where the richer guy can give the better life, money wise?
also...do you think younger women are more influenced by money and flash(the hype of it)...where as older women have more of an eye for a personality match?
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| posted by Gum Tree 1171 days ago |
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What I really think is that this young woman has been setting some priorities in her life. I think that young women of my generation - and maybe more than we realise of the current generation - rely on the sexual attraction without thinking about the implications of a marriage. I mean, you just have to look at the number of women who are complaining about unfaithful etc husbands, to wonder whether their expectations about marriage were unrealistic in the first place.
One of my good friends chose a husband really practically. She decided on a physical type, an income generation ability, a security barometer, a sexual ability. They are still married, three kids, some 20 years later. Some ups and downs, but it made me think that being practical or getting in an external matchmaker, might not be such a bad thing. I have Muslim friends who have married via matching and so far, so good. I think a lot of it is down to how hard BOTH partners try and make it work.
"Marooned on a rock with 80,000 and now 90,000 alcoholics and counting"
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| posted by npg 1171 days ago |
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i read of a story of a successful business woman in sydney who married a guy who was younger than herself.....he was not successful himself but obviously they got along well and the sex was good etc but part of the set up was their was no need for him to work as long as he looked after the house etc BUT he had to agree to let her make all the decisions about money and lifestyle, that she was in control.
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| posted by NN 1171 days ago (edited 1171 days ago) |
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I've got you babe ... Well, Sonny and Cher did split up, so perhaps this girl is right in wanting the cold hard cash.
I find it all highly amusing. "How should I set my mind in balance?" For starters get a mind (as in: thinking capacity). Then, get yourself a job if you want more money to spend. I truly wonder where she's got that saying from.
BTW I don't think is a strictly regional thing. The only difference I think is that traditional Chinese girls probably talk more openly about it. When I was at university (Europe) there were plenty of those girls who were (often quite viciously) in pursuit of that great catch, regardless of their own academic capacities. The smarter ones would get the bigger fish of course. Usually they would target the boys with the captains-of-industry dads or from the well-connected families, no matter that some of them were morons or sometimes even abusive. They just put up with that.
I went to uni two decades after the Germaine Greer, Betty Friedan and Gloria Steinem era. Maybe that's the explanation. There's always regression after a period of progress, ha ha.
I'm not sure which kind is to be preferred, the closet gold diggers or the more openly ones. I'd say that the latter are more honest re their intentions so that the guys will know what they are in for.
What was that other saying again?
A woman needs four animals in her life:
1. a jaguar in the garage
2. a mink on her shoulders (oops, I'm a PETA sympathiser)
3. a tiger in bed
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4. a jackass to pay for the above.[}:)]
This is of course fourth wave feminism, ha ha.
Perhaps we also have a solution for China's gender imbalance here: four men for one woman. Hurray for polyandry ?[:D].
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| posted by npg 1171 days ago |
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a reversal of the church of jesus christ and the latter day saints? interesting! read a great story of this small village in china where small groups of men (usually brothers) share the one wife! another one where the women of the village are the ones in control...they don't actually marry...they choose they're lovers when ever they want! the women (related) actually live together with no men...only small boys the men live seperate. it's a great book.
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| posted by Gum Tree 1171 days ago |
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Anyone read "The White Plague" by Frank Herbert. It predicts that scenario. I reckon his take on what men do with limited female supply is more realistic.
As for the young woman. I am maybe reading between the lines and across the language/cultural divide, but I suspect she has her head screwed on right, just uncertain about where her emotions are leading her - my god, whenever is a woman not uncertain???
"Marooned on a rock with 80,000 and now 90,000 alcoholics and counting"
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| posted by npg 1171 days ago |
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probably a lot of peer pressure as well and or family pressure too!
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| posted by NN 1171 days ago (edited 1171 days ago) |
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Npg> Do you mean that book about the Nyinba in Nepal (culturally Tibetans)? Their system of fraternal polyandrous marriage has helped them survive the harsh Himalayan environment because land doesn't have to be split up so yields more, and children from the same wife have more resources. Jealousy doesn't seem to be an issue. Quite fascinating. I saw a documentary about the living conditions of these people. The catch is that one woman has to keep four or more husbands happy.
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| posted by Gum Tree 1171 days ago |
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nn - are you saying that YOU couldn't? The result from the Frank Herbert novel was that men focussed on their need to pass on their genes, so the 9 months pregnancy and the need to keep the women safe and secure during their procreation period became important again. There was sh*t happening with the "I am better than you" stuff, but there were enough men to value and protect the women through their pregnancy. And somehow, the women became powerful, despite the overabundance of males. Because they had the ability to choose whether to pass on the male genes.
I don't know if it would happen in reality, but it was an interesting take on it all.
"Marooned on a rock with 80,000 and now 90,000 alcoholics and counting"
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| posted by NN 1171 days ago |
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GUM> I'm having problems with keeping one happy, let alone four, ha ha. But then again, we women can multitask like no other species.
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| posted by Gum Tree 1171 days ago |
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Well ... variety is the spice of life. Or so they say.
"Marooned on a rock with 80,000 and now 90,000 alcoholics and counting"
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| posted by chubby 1171 days ago |
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well...its not good eating same food everyday, imagine doing that in 50 or more years....lol...
"honesty the best medicine..."HECK!!!
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| posted by chubby 1171 days ago |
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But this the real world we live in....." no money, no honey".....we have to accept the fact that when we get married normally girls have to find someone who is financially stable(iether we accept it or not....)I dont know why but there is this issue that when the girl earns more than the man.....many raises eyebrows about it.....
But can you agree that now a days man cant be threaten by successful woman, seems they more like it.
"honesty the best medicine..."HECK!!!
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| posted by God de Vader 1171 days ago |
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uh chubby, pls go ahead .....id be more then happy to become a pro home decorator and home chef/child minder.......would love it.....
check the acct tonight and you know what youll have to earn to cover for that.
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get."
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